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Connection as a survival mechanism

The innate drive to form emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable individuals is essential for physical, mental, and emotional health, ensuring survival and well-being. Examples: * Emotional attachments are wired into our genes as a survival mechanism, as described by John Bowlby and inspired by Charles Darwin’s theories on natural selection. * Historical accounts, such as children in foundling homes dying from sadness or orphaned children suffering from emotional deprivation, highlight

Definition of Love

Love is not a luxury but a fundamental human need, providing emotional protection and fostering bonds that help us navigate life’s challenges. Examples: * Love is described as a basic primary need, akin to oxygen or water, essential for emotional and mental well-being. * It is considered the pinnacle of evolution, a compelling survival mechanism driving humans to bond emotionally with a precious few for safe haven and emotional security. Where does this idea come from? * Behavioral psycholo

Dependency as dysfunction

The belief that healthy adults should be self-sufficient and that emotional dependency on others is a sign of weakness or dysfunction. Examples: * Emotional reliance in marriages was often labeled as "codependency" or "enmeshment," suggesting that such behavior was harmful to relationships. * Cultural and psychological views historically emphasized self-sufficiency, portraying emotional dependency as a flaw that led to failed marriages. * Terms like "fused" or "merged" were used to stigmatize

Maternal Attachment theory

The quality of early connections to loved ones, especially maternal figures, plays a critical role in shaping personality, emotional regulation, and habitual ways of connecting with others. Examples: * Children with warmer, more responsive mothers tend to develop better self-regulation and emotional stability. * Children with colder, dismissive, or unpredictable mothers may become detached, angry, or struggle with emotional regulation. * Infant primates separated from their mothers grow into

The importance of quality in relationships, not just their presence

The health and emotional benefits of relationships depend not just on their existence but on the quality of the connections within them. Examples: * People whose partners show love and support experience significantly fewer health issues, such as angina episodes, compared to those in emotionally distant relationships. * Women who have suffered a heart attack are three times more likely to experience another if their marriage is marked by discord. * Hostile criticism and conflict in relationsh

The importance of touch and contact

Physical closeness and warmth, particularly from a caregiver, provide a critical foundation for emotional regulation and attachment. Examples: * Children who can self-soothe often have mothers who are warmer and more responsive. * Unpredictable or dismissive caregiving leads to emotional dysregulation, as seen in angry or detached children. * Physical contact, such as holding or cuddling, helps foster emotional stability and security in children. Where does this idea come from? * Maternal A