The emotional bonds adults form with their partners are shaped by the same attachment needs observed in children, influencing behavior, self-perception, and relationship quality.

Examples:

• Adults, like children, seek attachment to feel secure and supported, as demonstrated by Bowlby’s studies of World War II widows.
• Securely attached individuals are better at giving and receiving support, forgiving partners, and maintaining a positive self-image even when acknowledging their flaws.
• When secure, adults can reach out and connect easily; when insecure, they may become anxious, controlling, or avoidant.

Where does this idea come from?

• Maternal Attachment theoryMaternal Attachment theoryThe quality of early connections to loved ones, especially maternal figures, plays a critical role in shaping personality, emotional regulation, and habitual ways of connecting with others. Examples: * Children with warmer, more responsive mothers tend to develop better self-regulation and emotional stability. * Children with colder, dismissive, or unpredictable mothers may become detached, angry, or struggle with emotional regulation. * Infant primates separated from their mothers grow into
• Attachment theory by John Bowlby
• Behavioral psychology and emotional health

What's similar to this idea?

• Maternal Attachment theoryMaternal Attachment theoryThe quality of early connections to loved ones, especially maternal figures, plays a critical role in shaping personality, emotional regulation, and habitual ways of connecting with others. Examples: * Children with warmer, more responsive mothers tend to develop better self-regulation and emotional stability. * Children with colder, dismissive, or unpredictable mothers may become detached, angry, or struggle with emotional regulation. * Infant primates separated from their mothers grow into
• Connection as a survival mechanismConnection as a survival mechanismThe innate drive to form emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable individuals is essential for physical, mental, and emotional health, ensuring survival and well-being. Examples: * Emotional attachments are wired into our genes as a survival mechanism, as described by John Bowlby and inspired by Charles Darwin’s theories on natural selection. * Historical accounts, such as children in foundling homes dying from sadness or orphaned children suffering from emotional deprivation, highlight
• Romantic love is all about attachment and emotional bondingRomantic love is all about attachment and emotional bondingRomantic love is driven by the innate need for safe emotional connections and reliable emotional comfort, deeply rooted in human evolution and attachment theory. Where does this idea come from? * Attachment theory * Evolutionary psychology What's similar to this idea? * Maternal Attachment theory * The human need for emotional safety * Connection as a survival mechanism What's opposite of this idea? * Healthy love relationships are just rational bargains * Relationships between Adults wit

What's opposite of this idea?

• Dependency as dysfunctionDependency as dysfunctionThe belief that healthy adults should be self-sufficient and that emotional dependency on others is a sign of weakness or dysfunction. Examples: * Emotional reliance in marriages was often labeled as "codependency" or "enmeshment," suggesting that such behavior was harmful to relationships. * Cultural and psychological views historically emphasized self-sufficiency, portraying emotional dependency as a flaw that led to failed marriages. * Terms like "fused" or "merged" were used to stigmatize
• Healthy love relationships are just rational bargainsHealthy love relationships are just rational bargainsThe perspective that love relationships are based on maximizing benefits and minimizing costs, treating relationships as transactional exchanges. Where does this idea come from? * Behavioral psychology * Economic theories of human relationships What's similar to this idea? * Tit-for-tat approach * Transactional relationships * Rational decision-making in partnerships “To some cold-blooded observers, love is a mutually beneficial alliance based on trading favors, a give-get bargain.” What'
• Relationships between Adults with "Controlled Emotions"Relationships between Adults with "Controlled Emotions"The notion that emotions in relationships should be suppressed or controlled, with dependency on others seen as a sign of weakness or dysfunction. Examples: * Viewing emotional dependence in relationships as unhealthy, labeling individuals as “enmeshed” or “codependent.” * Advocating for self-sufficiency and emotional restraint as key to maintaining healthy adult relationships. * Therapists encouraging individuals to avoid emotional reliance on their partners. Where does this idea come from?

Where does this idea lead to?

• Connection as a survival mechanismConnection as a survival mechanismThe innate drive to form emotional attachments with a few irreplaceable individuals is essential for physical, mental, and emotional health, ensuring survival and well-being. Examples: * Emotional attachments are wired into our genes as a survival mechanism, as described by John Bowlby and inspired by Charles Darwin’s theories on natural selection. * Historical accounts, such as children in foundling homes dying from sadness or orphaned children suffering from emotional deprivation, highlight
• True independence as emotional security
• Securely bonded adults exhibit curiosity and openness to new experiences
• Emotional connection empowers authentic independence
• Better self-understanding and self-esteem in secure relationships

Status: #idea
Tags: attachment, relationships, emotional bonding, independence, self-esteem

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References

Hold Me Tight by Dr Sue Johnson > Part One: A New Light on Love